Over the past few months, I’ve had countless conversations with professionals who feel their contributions at work go unnoticed. This recurring theme of feeling undervalued often leads to “quiet quitting”—where individuals disengage emotionally while still meeting basic job expectations. But disengagement doesn’t have to be the norm. Through research-backed strategies and actionable steps, you can create a culture where influence flows both ways.
Why Do People Feel Undervalued?
Many of the individuals I’ve spoken with describe a lack of recognition and opportunities to share ideas. Psychologists point to self-determination theory, which highlights three core motivators: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. When these needs aren’t met, disengagement follows. Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace Report supports this, showing only 21% of employees are engaged at work.
How to Rebuild Influence and Connection
If you’re feeling stuck, consider shifting how you approach difficult conversations. Here’s what has worked for many professionals I’ve coached:
- Prepare with Purpose: Before approaching a manager or colleague, clarify what you want to communicate. Use specific examples and focus on solutions, not just problems. Example: “I noticed that my recent project ideas weren’t discussed in the team meeting. Can we find a way to ensure team contributions are reviewed in advance?”
- Build Psychological Safety: Research by Amy Edmondson of Harvard shows that teams thrive when members feel safe to speak up without fear of blame. Foster this environment by being curious, asking open-ended questions, and actively listening. Example Question: “What’s something you think we could improve together?”
- Use the “I-Message” Formula: Frame concerns from your perspective to reduce defensiveness. Structure: “I feel [emotion] when [specific event] because [impact]. What can we do to address this?”
- Invest in Small Wins: Trust builds through consistent, meaningful interactions. Look for small opportunities to collaborate or offer support, even on everyday tasks.
Why It Works
The science is clear: social exchange theory shows that when people feel valued, they reciprocate by contributing more. When you approach conversations with curiosity and openness, you pave the way for mutual understanding and lasting professional relationships.
What’s One Conversation You Could Start Today?
Feeling heard starts with taking the first step. Think about one conversation you’ve been avoiding and try using one of these strategies. You might be surprised how receptive others can be when approached with clarity, empathy, and a focus on solutions.
Let’s break the cycle of quiet quitting—one conversation at a time.
